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whispers of inner self…

I have done something that I regret alot. Last few days were not my happy days. I feel anger and sad at the same time. There were reasons for that but I don’t think this is the space to talk about it. What I’m focusing on is the way I treat others, those who are close to my heart mainly my youngers daughter. She became my punching bag! (literally speaking).

Thinking back, this anger has been build up years ago. Never really letting it out on the right person. Keeping it all in and hoping it will dissapear one day. But it didn’t! It keeps piling up and as I discover, I’m feeling depressed. Did tried once, talking it out but nothing gained from it. I was not given the chance to be understood. And I hate being taken for granted.

I don’t know why her? A small mistake made and I was like a monster, roaring aloud at her. She cried that night because I really ignored her. It breaks my heart thinking about it. So very sorry sayang. I got overboard this time. 

I’m tired of feeling deceived, ignored, unimportant and burden to others. Things must change for the better. Hoping this coming Ramadhan will help me clense out all the negativiti in me. Letting go of all the sorrow build up for years and forgive the one who makes my heartache. I am not me anymore till I squeeze out the anger, hatred and instill in me the goodness of others. I can’t change them but I can try to change me. InsyaAllah

 
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Posted by on May 22, 2017 in coretan

 

sunday…

Its Sunday and its the last sunday before Ramadhan Ahlan Wasahlan. Best fasting month this year because half of it will be during school holidays. Moga amal ibadahku dalam bulan Ramadhan kali ini berterusan di amalkan sepanjang hayat yang bersisa ini. Istiqomah…

Today’s routine, send off Nasuha for her tuition class, finish off my question paper and house chores. Its a sunny day, hopefully till the end of the day. I have tonns of laundry to settle today, so please hold on dear rain. Writing this in my bedroom while waiting for the kids to wake up. The washing mashine is doing its spinning now, second round already. Me, wanting to get to other chores but… aduiii, laziness preventing! Google lah…

In DHAS now, waiting in the car for her to finish her tuition class. Lucky I brought my lappy, get to do my school work ( working in sauna… too long to on the car aircon). Lots of people around. It seems like there’s bola baling match going on. Boys all over…Back home with intention to cook for lunch. But in my Noxxa, still left overs Nasi Arab. Feeling hungry, ate my nasi with Sambal Hijau Ikan Bilis and Daging Dendeng Dapor Dinda from Ana Salwa, an entrepreneur aka my classmate since primary school. Sedap beb… definitely repeat order Ana!

    Rained and I am sleepy but thinking of school work not done… play with the cats dulu lah… haahaduii. Ignoring me ehh… haishhh

    Then I’m pen off lah. Stop making, creating excuses. Do your work NOW!!!

     
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    Posted by on May 21, 2017 in coretan

     

    Memories…

    Listening to evergreen songs, my favourites. Sing along with beautiful lyrics… mind wondering, reminding and missing….

    When I Need You

    Without You

    Hard to Say I’m Sorry

    Right Here Waiting

    Against All Odds

    Because You Loved Me

    Hero

     
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    Posted by on May 17, 2017 in coretan

     

    my Saturday…

    Wish I could lay down tied to my heavenly bed just a little bit longer. The screaming alarm keep saying, get up… get up!. Its my rutine morning call without fail. Alarm at 5.00 am but jumping out of bed, 30 minutes later… hahaha

    Saturday is as usual like any other weekdays. Today, mum at wok and uber on the road. Waking up my Aishah with a very patience gesture because she can be very cruel to those who woke her up. At one time, I did got her free kick!  Whereas Nasuha, a touch of a finger can make her up and about. But, her bathroom affair takes up a lonnnngg time. Usually I will make her go to the bathroom first while I do other choas in the house.

    Not enough time for breakfast. Today my daughters have activities in school. Aishah, again as usual, a stop by Zakat Mart is sufficient enough. A packet of Chipsmore and a Milo will make her smile and eager to go to school. Her English Tuition class by Sir Siva is on every Saturday from 8.00 am to 10.00 am. Hopefully her english will be improving tremendously. A very good effort by the teachers to give extra class to ‘budak kampung’. Thank you teachers!!

    Came back to the house to fetch Nasuha. She also going to her school because she’ll be helping her teachers in the field. There are Bola Baling friendly matchers between schools in Seberang Perai Tengah. We had our breakfast in the FF restaurant in Sg Dua. Too early and we were the first customer. Had our hot Milo first while waiting for chicken porriage to be serve.

    After sending her in, I stayed awhile in the car. Mark a few exercises books and my eyes started to drift zzzzz. I remembered, onions and garlic is null in my kitchen. Nearby is Market Sg. Dua. Walked there and bought those things  including Chicken Meat and Tapai Pulut. I just love Tapai Pulut. On the way, I stopped at Kedai Ikhwan to buy Fried Chicken for Amir. 

    A bit tired of diving nowadays. Age factor, I guess. Saturday is the time to do house choas. Piles of dirty clothes to be wash. Can’t delay this because its a rainy season. Washing is always easy but folding clothes is not my thingy. My dearest husband will always help with this (thank you sayang). But since he got transfered to Precint  2, the clothes start piling up so high. “Kids…. please take your own clothes and fold them yourself…”

    Lunch…. got a craving for nasi lemak. Just bought anchovies, fresh from Tanjung Dawai. So, decided to have nasi lemak for lunch!  My children asked for Sambal Ikan Bilis, Boiled eggs and mix vegetables. Done eating!!

    Afternoon, spent lazying around the house, playing with the kittens and watching TV. Amir with his kebun around the house. Sangat rajin budak ni, said my mum. Yesterday he brought back these from his kebun…pumpkin and sweet corn. Ermm… nak masak apa ya??

    Night came early as I felt tired already. Off to bed then. The kids were doing their school work. Mak also off to bed early. The night was cold, rain poured heavily. Bestnya tidur….. 😴😴😴

     
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    Posted by on April 1, 2017 in coretan

     

    First test…

    Today I is the day to give out the result of the first test. They have been waiting for it since before the school holidays. The first thing they asked, how many failures teacher?

    A simple and short lecture for them before getting their papers. What ever marks you’ll get later, dont feel discourage. I’m sure all of you have done the best but if you think you are not doing enough, its a lessen to ponder. 

    So, exam paper was passed to the owner. Faces of relieve, disapointment and expresionless start lurking in the class. Asking them to do correction was easy because everyone was eager to know the correct way. 

    Teacher, please find for me another one mark. I want A! 

    Teacher, why is this wrong?

    Teacher, I cant understand the question.

    Teacher, I do careless mistakes… frust

    Teacher, teacher….

    Time’s up…. everyone started to leave the class. Two girls came and asked me how many failures in the class besides the two of them. I was looking into their eyes and they started to utter something. With watery eyes, they applogize for not performing well in the exam. They kept repeating words of regrets. They promised to do better in next exam. 

    Amazed, for I have longed to see this act of reflection on oneself. I can see how they have high hopes of making others happy and proud. To me, these girls will and can do better. I can only encourage and offer my free time in school. They are welcome to study with me after school. Looking at their sincere faces, reminds me of my own daughter. May the teardrops are worthy and a signage to perseverance. InsyaAllah, usaha berterusan, sabar dan doa kepadaNya.

     
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    Posted by on March 29, 2017 in coretan

     

    Dwarf Cavendish…

    Pokok pisang Serendah aka Pisang Kapal dah banyak kali berbuah hasil tanaman suami ku. Asalnya pokok tu dihadiahkan kawan suami dari Indonesia. Pisang ni masaknya berkulit hijau. Kalau di biarkan ranumnya berisi lembek. Tak la berapa sedap dimakan begitu saja. Kerap aku buat cekodok ja. Semalam aku campur dengan jagung, goreng dan sedappp kata Aishah.

    Hari ni nak cuba buat kek pisang. Google resepi yang mudah dan ringkas. Jumpa la blog NinaMirza ni. Mudah ja dan bahan pun semua ada dalam stok aku. Telur, tepung gandum, soda bikarbonat, baking powder, gula, minyak masak. Humban jer semua dalam blender (part ni aku paling suka). Siap, bakar 40minit. Nak detail sikit resepi dan bahannya, baca la blog entry di kek pisang (jazakallah nina mirza)

    Adunan yang siap diblend. Aku susun potongan pisang buat hiasan sikit. Siap bakar, anak2 dah tunggu nak ngapp… hahaha. Tak sempat sejuk dah tinggal separuh… 

    So this recipe is for keeps!

    Sedikit bahan bacaan aku dapat masa google pisang serendah. Menarik juga asal usul pisang ni dan baru aku tahu cara terbaik untuk makan pisang serendah.

    kredit to blog pisang serendah

     
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    Posted by on March 23, 2017 in coretan

     

    citarasa ku…

    Mula-mula pindah rumah, penuh disekeliling dengan pokok ubi. Pucuk ubinya, pehh…. sedap kata mak. Bila rasa nak makan pucuk ubi rebus, petik jer. Berselera makan.

    Awal dulu ada seorang pakcik datang kutip pucuk ubi. Entah untuk makan atau jualan, itu aku tak pasti. Lama-lama pakcik tu dah tak datang, mungkin segan dengan kami. Mula la di bersihkan keliling kawasan rumah sebab semak sangat. Banyak pokok ubi ditebang tapi batangnya ditanam semula secara lebih teratur.

    Sekarang dah dekat  6 bulan, Amir agak pokok ubi tu dah ada hasilnya. Semalam dia cabut sepokok. Adalah 5 /6 cabang ubi kayu yang berisi sederhana. Teringin pula nak makan Ubi Getuk. Apa lagi… ke kedai la mencari kelapa parut.

    Bahan-bahan Ubi Getuk ni senang jer. Kelapa parut, gula pasir, garam dan semestinya ubi kayu rebus. Lecek ubi kayu masa panas-panas tu, campurkan kelapa, gula dan garam. Gaul rata dan boleh makan dah…. 

    Banyak lagi lebih, so simpan dulu dalam peti ais. Esok pagi boleh buat ubi getuk goreng samada bulat-bulatkan atau buat macam kueh gelang.

    Cuba baca blog Getuk Ubi, boleh cuba cara ubi getuk moden.

     
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    Posted by on March 21, 2017 in coretan, favourites