…things can be frustrated sometimes

every morning should be a new hope for a better things. that is what i always want once i wake up in the morning. but…

how can i be forever positive when it is always tiring going to and fro to work. maybe its time to reorganize working life. stop all the travel and be more in place, nearer to home.

As long as i can remember since day one of my matrimony life, being apart is normal. along the way, being apart is on off in our 25 years together. i quit my job just to be with him at our early years of marriage.

he was keen on furthering his studies and i just love him for it. so, it started as a passion and ends up as a neccescity to be highly educated. my support all through no doubt. The thoughfulness of him for giving me the space for my own education. i got my degree with his and the kids support. Alhamdulillah

again, he furthered his studies although so called friends, critically against it. After 2 and half years apart, he manage to get his masters. I am happy for him. During that period, i was pregnant with my fifth child and it was an experience to be doing everything by myself. But the support i get from him, he never missed a weekend without coming home. he was far yet very near.

the best thing for making this whole blog is just to make sure i dont forget what i have been through. priceless moments to be layout with words and photos. i just love reading back all this simple notes. always be reminded of all the good or bad times, no matter what the outcome from life. Allah have the best interest in all of us,

STRESS

Finally!!

Finally, I understand!

in a midst of crowd, I feel alone

in a sunniest day, I feel gloomy

in a rainy day, I feel teary

in a loud sorrounding, I feel desolate

in a lifely party, I dissociate

all because of me and mine alone

I choose to be what I feel

I am me with those idiocy

No one force me, no one….

Yes, I finally understand

Be riden cynical, obstructive thoughts!

For I am gonna take charge!

I choose to be calm, dazzling, ecstatic, bouyant and confident

I choose to live……

Goodbye

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And i know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and i sympathize
And it’ll never criticize all you’ve ever meant to my life
I don’t want to let you down

I don’t want to lead you on
I don’t want to hold you back
>from where you might belong
You would never ask me why

My heart is so disguised
I just can’t live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There’s nothing left to say but goodbye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love

I’m not sure i’m worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
I don’t wanna let you down

I don’t wanna lead you on
I don’t wanna hold you back to where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised

I just can’t live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There’s nothing left to say, but goodbye
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguished

I can’t just live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There’s nothing left to try
Though it’s gonna hurt us both
There’s no other way than to say good-bye

I am forever proud of you

Dear darlings,

You are my first born. You are the most self motivate one. It was an easy job raising you for you were always knows the best in you. Excel in school and were the benchmark for your siblings. You always do have your ways of making friends with the right people and not afraid to explore new areas in life. You are willing to do odd job to earn your living expenses. You are into social work, do your own solo travel. I am proud of you.

You are my second darling. You are the most independent among all. You got the least cuddling period because you have a baby brother just lest than a year of you birth. So little tantrum, least saying no and demand of anything. The skinniest but most helpful in house choars. Slow in progress of studies but you are the one who knows what you want in life. You worked hard for it and you succeeded. You are highly motivated and can be relied on. I am proud of you.

You are my third darling. You are the most funny, cunning but sweet one. Brave in making decision yet never letting it go without my consent. Tantrums used to be your specialty but it has made you the caring person today. Cool, relax and funny are your trademarks though sometimes annoying (to your baby sister). You have the drive in you to do better in life. I am proud of you.

You are my first girl. Well loved by people since you were born. You are a hard working girl. Always satisfy with what you have but never once give up when something goes wrong. Love to be beautiful but not a show off. You have your needs but never say no to any other suggestion when necessary. Obedient, down to earth, and able to balance life decision. I am proud of you.

You are my youngest. Got the trait of my first born. Self motivated, intelligent and quiet in public. Always excel in studies since kindergarten. Easy to please just by giving books to read. Known for stern decision and not easy to be persuaded without good reasoning. Talkative with me but not to unknown persons. Knows what she wants and like to be well prepare. I am proud of you.

I have always believe, each of my sons and daughters have their own ability, specialty and needs. Have never compared them in anything. I can see and feel, each of them have done their best. I just pray for their well being, hoping they will feel the satisfaction after hard word, no matter what fruit it bears. May Allah SWT be with you, easing each step toward Him. Just be happy and syukur Alhamdulillah I love you. Thank you Allah!